Legs get to it.
Hi, my name is Julie and I don’t like snakes. After careful consideration, one of my main problems with snakes is that they are long and slithery and they don’t have legs. This just seems WRONG.
Reptiles4all / Getty Images
I know, the “no legs” thing seems to work for them. But from a marketing and branding stance, it’s making them very, very unlikeable.
I do not like that this MF-er can just wriggle away at any damn time. Where your legs at.
Niklas Halle’n / AFP / Getty Images
Also, having no legs means things like THIS can happen:
Yeah, that woman has a ball python stuck in her fucking earlobe.
And don’t even get me started on Australia’s long history of snake fuckery.
I would prefer to NEVER wake up to a corn flakes box of snake, thankyouverymuch.
So! Given that their lack of legs is probably, certainly, contributing to their poor reception, I’ve resolved to explore a snake-with-legs world. But what woulllld that look like?
To help me deal with my fear, I've put cute hats on these snakes.
Like, IF snakes had legs, would they have four legs, strategically placed at either ends of their bodies?
Though, the obvious issue with this is that their snake bellies would sag in the middle.
Or would they have four legs at the front of their bodies with a long tail trailing behind?
OOOOOOOORRRRR would these snake-a-roonies have a multitude of legs along the entirety of their bodies, kind of like a centipede or something?
This is PERSONALLY my least favorite option, though it would be kind of cool if there were shoes, or even tap shoes, for them.
So, what do you think? Help answer this Very Important Theoretical Question.